


Night Terrors

by MusicalFrost



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-04 18:17:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12174129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicalFrost/pseuds/MusicalFrost
Summary: Post time skip. Luffy has a nightmare about Marineford, and his two friends are there to help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading. Please comment, and tell me if there's anything I can do better. I want to know what you think.

Luffy woke with a gasp, and he shot up into a sitting position. He was breathing hard like he'd run a marathon, and his body was shaking, reacting to his fear and adrenaline. Panicking, he glanced around, not quite sure where he was, and then he remembered: he was safe, aboard the  _Thousand Sunny,_ with his crew. He looked down at his hands, which were clasping the sheets in a white knuckled grip, practically hyperventilating as he relived what he had been dreaming about.

The raven haired captain could still hear the screams, could still see the blood. The smell of burning flesh lingered in his nostrils. He shook his head doggedly, trying to get rid of the horrible memories, but still the scene raged on behind his eyes. A tall, red and white clad admiral, turning to stare fiercely at Luffy. The attack of glowing lava that Luffy was too weak to dodge. Then suddenly the light was blocked. He looked up to see the blood, the fist protruding from his brother's chest, the tortured expression on Ace's face.

Luffy clamped his eyes shut, grabbing his head, but still the flashbacks came. His brother collapsed, and the rubber boy caught him before he hit the ground. The admiral laughed, declaring his victory, and then Ace was talking. He was apologizing,  _thanking._  " _Thank you for loving me."_ Those words. Not those words again. Then the older brother fell, seemingly in slow motion, landing with a sick, wet sound upon the stone.

Red beads, the color of blood, clanked and bounced.

The laughter echoed.

Luffy's heart was pounding, making him feel light headed. He opened his eyes and stared at his trembling hands. ' _Oh Ace...'_ he thought. ' _Why couldn't I save you? Why did you have to die?'_ He stayed like that, rubbing the aching scar on his chest, and felt all the pain and grief all over again. Injustice, sadness, anger, disbelief. Why couldn't he have been stronger back then? His eyes burned, but he didn't cry. He was tougher now. Besides, Ace wouldn't want him to cry.

After a time, he didn't know how long, Luffy's heart rate slowed down and his breathing returned to normal. The feelings were still there, but they were muted, bearable. Ace had been gone two years now. The straw hat captain was used to the pain, had accepted it, although vivid nightmare's like this one always brought the emotions back full force. Luffy sighed and swung his legs over the side of the bed, slipping his sandals on in the process. He wasn't going to fall back asleep any time soon, so he might as well go up on deck.

Stepping out onto the  _Sunny's_ grassy deck, the mugiwara stopped and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. The cold night air cleared his head, waking him up a bit more and forcing the lingering fear away. He let the breath out slowly, relishing the peace, and turned to walk toward the kitchen. After all that...heat...a cool glass of water sounded like the best thing in the world. 

Unfortunately, Luffy had forgotten the traps that his cook, Sanji, had set up in order to keep late night thieves away from the kitchen. As soon as his he pushed the door open, he heard a soft scraping sound, and then he was flying though the air, landing halfway across the deck. He grunted as he landed, glaring up at the giant hammer (where did Sanji even get that?) that was swinging from the top of the door frame. A loud bang suddenly sounded from inside the men's dormitory, and then Sanji himself burst though the door onto the deck, scowling. Immediately, he found his captain and made a beeline toward him, growling dangerously.

" Baka, I told you to stay out of my kitchen! No sneaking in at night!"

At the sight of his nakama, Luffy couldn't help but smile, despite the fury clearly radiating from the cook. It was these people, his friends, that made him happy. They gave him the strength he needed. They gave him the will, the resolve, to keep trying. His brother was dead, and that was a horrible blow to Luffy's heart, but his nakama were still alive and kicking. That, in itself, gave him reason to live. Luffy chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Heh, heh. Sorry Sanji. I was trying to get a-"

" A WHAT?" the curly brow challenged. " More food, that's what! Cant you wait until morning?" Luffy pouted, pursing his lips.

" Sanji, relax. I was only gonna get a glass of water." Sanji barked out a harsh laugh.

" Like I'd buy that." He held out a hand, which Luffy gripped, and hoisted his captain back to his feet. The latter dusted himself off.

" It's true!" he said defensively.

" Luffy, this is YOU we're talking about, the guy that can eat enough for six people, and then some. Sorry, but I just don't believe-" He cut off. Now that he actually had a chance to look at his captain, he noticed something was...off. He narrowed his eyes, studying him. Luffy was drenched in sweat, his hair plastered to his forehead, and-  _god -_ he was  _shaking._ Now that Sanji was looking, he could clearly see his arms and legs trembling. And yet, the rubber boy was grinning, his smile as wide as the sea. 

What the  _hell?_ What on earth could scare Luffy like that? He'd seen Luffy come back from brutal fights unscathed, seen him do impossible tasks with apparent ease. So what could make him start shaking? Could it be...wait...something clicked in Sanji's head. Oh.

" Luffy, did you have a nightmare?" No point in stalling the question. Luffy's eyes shot up to meet the cook's, his smile dimming. He hesitated, making Sanji nervous, before lowering his gaze to the grass.

"Yeah..."  _Damn it._ Whatever god decided it'd be funny to give Luffy a nightmare would pay. " But whatever, I'm okay now." His grin brightened again, and he turned to walk to the dormitory again. Sanji reached out and grabbed his captain's wrist, stopping him.  _No,_ he wanted to say,  _it's not okay._ The things Luffy deals with on a regular basis- Crocodile, Arlong, Lucci, Eneru, Gekko Moriah, Hordy Jones, Doflamingo- are horrifying, but he still comes back on top. If something in his nightmare scared him like this, it must be beyond imagination. Luffy turned to look at him. After a moment, Sanji sighed, releasing him, and gestured to the kitchen door.

" Come on. I'll get you a snack." Luffy's eyes widened, and he laughed, starting to return to his normal, goof ball self. He dashed to the kitchen, sidestepping the giant hammer, and Sanji followed.

It only took a few minutes for Sanji, as the brilliant cook he is, to whip up a piece of steak for the mugiwara. Luffy began to tear into it immediately, forsaking the use of utensils, and finished it quickly. The blond haired cook looked on with mild amazement. No matter how long he cooked for this boy, he would never get used to how quickly- and messily- he could consume large amounts of food. He set a tall glass of water in front of Luffy as he finished his precious meat, lighting a cigarette while he waited for him to chug it down. 

" Wow Sanji!" Exclaimed Luffy when he was finished, smacking his lips. " That was amazing! You're the best cook in the whole world!" Usually, a compliment like that would have flattered Sanji, although he didn't show it. Tonight however, he was fed up with Luffy pretending he was okay. He felt like either slapping him, or giving him a hug. He did neither. Instead, he took Luffy's plate and glass and placed them in the sink. Luffy tried to sneak away behind his back, muttering another 'thank you', but Sanji snapped around and gripped the boy's shoulders. Resisting the urge to force him back into the chair like he'd originally intended, he gently guided him to the chair, sitting down opposite him so they were facing each other.

" Talk to me, Lu," he said softly. " What was your nightmare about?" He watched as Luffy's face rippled though a slew of emotions: perplexity, anger, confusion, unimaginable sadness. He finally settled on a blank, unreadable face, now completely serious where seconds before, he'd been a total joker. Somehow, that empty expression scared Sanji more than any emotion ever could. Silence followed, so Sanji tried again. " What scared you so much?" Luffy stared out into space, remembering whatever horrible secret was in his head, before finally meeting the other's gaze.

" It was about Ace." He said breathlessly. Sanji's breath hitched. No one ever talked about that. No one ever asked, and he didn't divulge; they all knew how painful it had been for him. He'd lost his  _brother,_ for heaven's sake. He should've known. Of course his nightmare would be about that. The cook furrowed his brow, thinking. What  _did_  he know about the War? Practically nothing, just what he'd read from news papers. He knew it was brutal, that Whitebeard and countless others had died. He knew Ace had been killed by the Admiral named Akainu, who had the powers of the Magu Magu no mi, the lava devil fruit. That was pretty much it, there weren't many details in the papers. From the picture of Ace though, his death had been...horrific. He could only imagine what Luffy was going through.

" Do you want to talk about it?" Sanji asked gently. He rolled the cigarette between his teeth, waiting patiently for an answer. Luffy flinched- actually  _flinched -_ and shook his head.

" No. Not right now, at least." He paused. " I need some time to think about it first. I haven't had a dream like this in a while, and I forgot how...scary it is." Now it was Sanji's turn to flinch. He's had dreams like this before, and none of the crew noticed? What kind of people were they? It made him wonder how many other things their captain could be hiding, what kind of things he was dealing with on his own. Luffy continued speaking. 

" I think...I can talk about it tomorrow." Sanji stared long and hard at his captain. Although his shaking hadn't completely stopped, he looked a lot better. He was less pale, more steady on his feet. A moment passed, and then another.

" I'm gonna hold you to that," he stated. He exhaled, a plume of smoke shooting toward the kitchen. Luffy nodded slowly. 

" Fine." He took a deep breath, and suddenly, impossibly, he was grinning again. " Thanks so much for the meat, Sanji, it was awesome. Good night! Er, again!" He chuckled, and then he was gone, the door swinging in his wake.

Sanji sat there for a long time, thinking. What Luffy had been through,  _alone,_ was beyond awful. None of his crew had been there for him, been there to help him through it. Then, to top it off, he'd been isolated on an island for two years, with nothing but Raleigh, his training and his thoughts. He'd never had a chance to talk about what happened with anyone, to get it out of his system, so of course he'd have nightmares about it. Nothing bothered Sanji more then the thought of not being able to help his captain, his  _friend,_ when he needed him the most.

At that moment, Sanji vowed to himself he wouldn't let Luffy carry this on his shoulders alone any longer. He would not let him be isolated in his memories. Luffy would do the same,  _had_  done the same, for all of them. He carried all his nakama's hopes, dreams and problems on his back; the least they could do is share his as well.

It was time for Luffy's pain to end. Sanji, if not everyone else, would make sure of it.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy reader! Once again, please comment, I beg of you. Feedback is very much appreciated.

The next morning, as Sanji was cooking breakfast, Luffy came bounding through the doors like his normal self, first as usual. (The hammer was gone, he noticed.) He launched into his usual chair at the end of the table, giggling. For a second, Sanji just stared at him, perplexed. He seemed perfectly normal, perfectly okay. Was he really? Could he really be? Then the cook mentally kicked himself, angry that he would think that. He remembered that awful, blank expression on Luffy's face, clearly there to keep emotions at bay. No, Luffy needed to talk about whatever happened with Ace, if only to get it off his chest.

The rest of the crew trickled in, rubbing their eyes and yawning, having just woken up. They perked up as the delicious smell of breakfast wafted to their noses, and hurried to their seats, eager to eat. 

" Oh Sanji, that smells so good!" Chopper moaned, staring hungrily at a fruit salad at the end of the table. Sanji didn't respond to the reindeer, instead setting the rest of the finished meal on the table and sitting in his own chair, looking around. One person was missing. Of course; it made sense that Moss Head would still be asleep. Oh well, missing breakfast would teach the stupid seaweed brain to wake up earlier next time. Or he could be lost, that was always a possibility; he'd gotten lost on his own ship before. His thoughts turned elsewhere when his beloved Nami spoke up.

" Sanji, will you pass the eggs please?" she said, pointing to the plate of steaming perfection. Sanji's eyes ignited into stars and he twirled around angelically, his teeth glinting as he smiled.

" Of course, my love! Your wish is my command!" He snatched up the requested plate of food and whipped around again, resting it on the table before his beautiful Nami, nearly kicking Usopp to the next continent in the process.

Meanwhile, during the chaos of the beginning of breakfast, Zoro was, in fact, just waking up. The first things he was aware of were the smooth wooden ceiling above, and the gentle rocking of the _Thousand Sunny_. The second thing he noticed was the dead silence. Since when was it ever quiet? He blinked, his good eye watering as he yawned and sat up. Stretching, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and scanned the room, grumbling under his breath when he realized everyone had already left the dormitory.

It was then that he began to smell the mouth-watering food. Crap, he was late for breakfast! His grumbling increased, and he hurriedly slipped his shoes on and left the dormitory. While he loathed the stupid curly-brow, Zoro begrudgingly had to admit that he was a pretty good cook. He burst through the door and took a right, and then realized the smell was coming from behind him. Hissing with impatience, he spun around and followed his nose, not bothering to remember the way to the kitchen on his own.

Zoro was practically drooling by the time he entered the kitchen, his growling stomach sounding uncannily similar to the roar of a sea king, but as he stepped into the room, he stopped dead in his tracks. Something was wrong. The atmosphere felt off, although he didn't know why. His sharp, green eye narrowed as he studied his crew. He had learned long ago that he should trust what his gut told him, and right now it was telling him that something was different.

Franky and Brook, the two crew mates closest to him, did not seem to be the problem; both of them were acting normally, Brook singing one of his ridiculous songs, and Franky striking a silly pose. Chopper was shoving carrots and lettuce in his mouth like there was no tomorrow, staring nervously at Robin's plate of meat, the latter grinning at the book her nose was buried in. Usopp and Nami seemed to be in a heated argument about the cost of a new, more modern rifle. All of them seemed perfectly normal, not having a care in the world at that moment. That left Luffy and the love-cook himself, and as he scrutinized them, he realized that they were indeed the source of his unease.

Luffy appeared to be happy, at least at first, as he jealously guarded a heaping plate of chicken. Closer study revealed the small, purple bruises under his eyes, and the way he was slouching more than usual. With a start, Zoro realized this was exactly how Luffy looked after a particularly hard battle. He looked like he'd just gone through something emotionally and physically draining. Not only that, but he'd left his straw hat it the dormitory! He never forgot that hat, ever.

Sanji, now that Zoro was looking, obviously knew something was up. He watched the blonde occasionally glance at their captain, a soft, determined look in his eyes. Almost as if he knew what was going on. As if he were checking to make sure Luffy were okay. 

What on earth had happened? And why didn't Zoro know about it? 

Slowly, his appetite forgotten, the swordsman took his place in the chair on his captains right, across from Sanji. Luffy eyed him warily, dragging his beloved meat closer as if Zoro might steal it. That action alone was so familiar, it almost made the first mate smile. Almost. He turned his attention to the cook, clearing his throat slightly to get his attention. Sanji didn't seem to hear him; he was busy tearing into his own meal, so Zoro tried again, this time louder. A few moments later, it became clear that Sanji was pointedly ignoring the swordsman, and Zoro felt a twinge of annoyance. Why couldn't the curly-brow pay attention? This was important! If something was bothering Luffy, he'd better damn well know about it. Then, all patience lost, he kicked the other's shin under the table, wincing as his foot made contact with Sanji, AKA, Black Leg. Finally, Sanji looked up, fury burning on his face as his stare bore into the first mate.

" Stupid marimo, why-" he cut off immediately, seeing the look on Zoro's face. He was completely serious, the normal rivalry between the two men forgotten. Zoro glanced at Luffy, raising his eyebrow's in a silent question. Sanji ground his teeth together, meeting the swordsman's eye. Should he tell him? Maybe.

Wait, what was he thinking? Of course he should tell Zoro. Their personal rivalry aside, Sanji honestly trusted this man with his life. There was no one on this planet that was more loyal to the Straw Hat Pirates. He'd seen what Zoro had done for Luffy, taking on his pain, at least for a little while, so his captain wouldn't have to bear it alone. If anyone could help Luffy through this nightmare, it would be him, his longest companion and first mate. In answer to Zoro's unasked question, the cook gave a small, almost imperceptible shake of the head, and he knew the marimo understood. Luffy needed help.

The rest of the meal was relatively normal, with the rest of the crew being their usual crazy selves, and the food disappearing in a matter of minutes. By the time breakfast was over, there was no possible way they could eat any more. As the crew stood and exited the kitchen, thanking the cook profusely, Sanji glanced around, satisfied that the crew was fed and happy. As the cook, it was his job to memorize the crew's eating habits, paying particular note to what they liked, what they didn't like, how much they ate on average, while at the same time making meals that were healthy for each crew member. It was quite exhausting at times, he thought. Brook and Luffy alone could eat the weight of a small whale, if he let them.

Soon, the whole crew, including Luffy, had disappeared to start their daily routine. Sanji looked at the unclean table. It still had all the food scraps and dishes on it. Seriously, couldn't anyone clean up after themselves for once? Sighing, he began to clear the table off, gripping a pair of glasses and and bringing them to the sink. When he turned back around to get some more dishes, however, a shadow blocked his path. His brow furrowing, he looked up to see Zoro, the swordsman barring his way, forcing him to look him in the eye. And there was that look again, that fiercely protective, determined tint to his face. No, this was not the time to argue. This was the time to put aside their differences for the good of their captain.

" You want to tell me what's going on?" Zoro grunted, searching Sanji's face. The latter stared back for a moment, and then pushed the other aside, continuing to clear off the table. To his surprise, Zoro joined him, grabbing a pair of plates to wash in silence, waiting for an answer to his question. Sanji took a drag on his cigarette, which seemingly appeared out of thin air, and exhaled, taking his sweet time to think up an answer. A tick mark materialized on Zoro's forehead, but he forced himself to wait patiently. Yelling at the ero-cook now would not be helpful. Finally, his struggle paid off as Sanji spoke.

" Luffy had a nightmare last night," he began. Zoro nearly dropped the plate he was holding, his gaze snapping toward the cook.

"  _What?"_ Luffy had a-  _why?_ Zoro's face darkened. Whatever power of the universe made the choice to do that to Luffy was going to die. But what on earth did Luffy have that caused a nightmare? He was the strongest, the bravest-

" He said it was about Ace." Oh. _Shit_. That would certainly qualify as nightmare worthy. This was not good. 

" How bad is it?" Zoro forced himself to continue cleaning, although the faint tremor in his hand nearly made him spill someone's drink. He only got more nervous, however, when Sanji started avoiding eye contact. The cook stopped for a moment, staring at the table, his mind far away.

" Zoro, he was  _shaking._ " 

And in that moment, Zoro knew. This was way worse than it appeared to be. Luffy didn't just start shaking. The only thing that could cause that...he didn't even know. Something disturbing. Something that none of the other crew members could survive going through.

Something that Zoro wasn't there to help him with.

" Did he talk to you?" he asked, afraid of what the answer was. Sanji shook his head.

" No. He said he needed to think it over a bit. You know as well as I do that Luffy's not really one to share his feelings, though he did say he'd be willing to talk about it sometime today. I'm making him follow through on that." Zoro nodded, relief and anxiety plain to see on his face, the very same expression mirrored on his blonde rival. It would be the best thing for Luffy to talk about it, to get the secret out so he wasn't alone anymore. But did they really want to hear it? For heavens sake, the giant, x shaped scar on his chest was physical proof of how awful it was. They didn't need Chopper to tell them that a wound like that had almost killed him. And that was just the physical pain, which was nothing in comparison to the emotional and mental pain Luffy had surely experienced. His brother had  _died._  

Both men seemed to come to a conclusion at the same time. Of course they would hear what their captain had so say. It didn't matter if they were shocked by what they heard, it didn't matter if they had nightmares about it. The only thing that mattered was Luffy. Zoro didn't take on the rubber boy's pain just so he could let him suffer, on his own, from an even greater injury. Both men refused to see their leader and friend at anything but his best, just because they were too wimpy to hear him out. They weren't there for him during and after Marine Ford, but they were there now, and curse them if they didn't take this chance to help.

The rest of the day seemed to pass by at an excruciatingly slow pace. Both Zoro and Sanji had a lot to think about, both of them preparing to their best ability. It seemed that Luffy was preparing as well, now returning his friends' concerned glances with a guarded expression of his own. These were his friends, whom he trusted with his life. So why was he so nervous? And yes, he knew that Zoro knew now; it wasn't that hard to figure out, since he stayed after breakfast to help Sanji, of all people. It was hard to act like the oblivious goofball he normally was with the prospect of telling them about Ace hanging over his head. Rational thought told him that it was okay, telling them, because they wanted him to. They could handle it. But that sliver of irrational thoughts in the corner of his mind said otherwise. What if they couldn't handle it? What if Luffy gave  _them_ nightmares? He would never be able to forgive himself.

Then, all at once, all too soon, dinner was over and the crew began filing into the dormitories. Forcing the wide smile to stay on his face, Luffy tried to avoid the inevitable, following Franky into the ship. But before he'd made it through the door way, something yanked on the back of his shirt, stopping him cold. Butterfly fireworks exploded in his stomach as he turned to see Sanji and Zoro standing behind him, the former gripping his shirt. Zoro's arms were crossed, his stern expression killing any resistance in Luffy's mind.

" We need to talk," Sanji said, releasing Luffy. A moment rolled by, all three Straw Hat's holding their breath. Finally Luffy stepped forward, shutting the door behind him. He sighed deeply, making himself meet his nakama's eyes. 

He'd been trying, and failing, to forget about the nightmare, but it all came rushing back, making him shudder. He felt like throwing up. Why did he have to talk to them? He didn't want to. But wait, why did they care so much? It was just supposed to be a nightmare, right? No, that was the thing. It wasn't. It was a memory, a flashback, and those were so much worse. 

" Fine," he whispered. The other two let out the breath they had been holding. They had to remind themselves that this was a good thing, but it was hard to believe that when they were staring at Luffy's conflicted face. Gently, Sanji gripped the captain's elbow, leading him toward the front of the ship. All three settled down on the floor boards, sitting cross legged, and then sat in silence. Zoro and Sanji waited patiently, knowing that Luffy would speak eventually. 

Luffy stared through the railing, down at the gently rolling sea. He could lose himself in that motion, and he often did, letting the waves take his mind on a journey. Taking comfort that the ocean was by his side, rocking him to the wind's lullaby, he turned back to his nakama and began to tell them what happened during the war.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me! Please, let me know if there are any mistakes, or anything I can do better. It's been a long time since I've watched One Piece, so please please PLEASE tell me if I skipped any important events, or if I got anything wrong.

Luffy started out slowly, not entirely sure where to begin. His heart was thumping wildly, and he found his hands had started shaking again. He folded his arms to hide the trembling, but it was too late; his nakama had already seen. Zoro and Sanji shared a concerned glance, and Sanji took off his suit coat, draping it over Luffy's shoulders. It hadn't started to get cold yet, but Sanji would provide any comfort he could. 

He told them about how he arrived at Marine Ford, and about meeting White Beard. He explained how he fought soldier after solder, devil fruit user after devil fruit user. He mentioned his fight with Dracule Mihawk, and Zoro got a dark look in his eye. The person he'd been training with these past two years had tried to kill Luffy? Of course, he said he'd seen Ace's death with his own eyes, but he hadn't known he'd tried to help cause it. Zoro vowed that he'd make Mihawk pay, and Luffy continued retelling the events of the war. 

Luffy started to become agitated. Even to his own ears, he sounded afraid, and he kept getting the order of events mixed up. His mind started flashing with random scenes, even as he spoke, and it was impossible to resist them.

_He collapsed in a heap of pain, and he knew then he couldn't move any more. He only knew pain. It took over his whole consciousnesses. But Ace! He had to save Ace, his brother! But his body had reached it's limit. He was done. Darkness began to cloud his vision; it would be so easy to just drift away, to let it all go. Feeling the cool, soothing stone beneath his cheek, he closed his eyes. He breathed in...out..._

_Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in his torso, and then a mysterious flash of power flowed through his limbs. He could feel it coursing through is body. He gasped, his eyes snapping open. Hope returned to him, with an equal measure of fury. A large face swam before his eyes, surrounded by a purple afro. Suddenly, he was able to move again, and he stood back up, a hellish look on his face._

Sanji had turned as white as a sheet of paper. Had Luffy really been beaten that bad? Had he really been so injured that he couldn't move any more? Now it was his turn to start shaking. He was so  _relieved_ that Ivankov had been there to give Luffy that chemical boost. But the thought that the Mugiwara had needed it...terrified him. And on top of that, Luffy had been impaled. That battle really had been a full on war, hadn't it? Sanji glanced over at Zoro, and knew he was thinking the same thing. The swordsman was just as pale, but the anger was easy to see; it was rolling off him in waves. The cook could tell what he was thinking: How  _dare_ they?

_A wax man stared at him with incredulity, then narrowed his eyes, nodding with determination. Then, a white key was placed in Luffy's hand. His legs pumped as he ran with all his might. He remembered the warmth of Ace's flames as his brother burst free from his bonds, and suddenly they were fighting. Left, right, up, down, Luffy countered and attacked, bobbed and weaved. Ace was by his side now, shooting fire, and he felt complete. He felt safe, the feeling flowing over him like a blanket. His brother was alive, he was free. Everything was right._

_And then it wasn't._

_Akainu the admiral, strongest of all, sent out a biting retort, his silver tongue cutting through to Ace's soul in an instant. Luffy's brother whipped around, snarling, and went on the offensive. And because of that one decision, everything Luffy had been fighting for was reduced to rubble._

Luffy's voice suddenly went monotone. Zoro, who'd been staring at the deck, snapped his gaze up, and saw what Sanji had seen the night before: that blank, lifeless expression. Alarmed, he glanced at the dart board brow. Although wary of it, Sanji didn't seem surprised; he'd seen this face before. If both men had a chance, they would both say that this...lack of emotions scared them. Who was this? This was a very different Luffy than the one they knew. The Luffy they knew was energetic about everything, he was a goofball, and completely oblivious most of the time. He felt emotions more sharply than normal people did, but this war had taken that away from him.

Zoro's heart ached for his captain. He'd gotten to the point where emotions were too much, where memories were too much. He had to stop himself from expressing emotions, or they would overrun him. The first mate wanted to bring that happy, excited Luffy back, the one that wasn't afraid of anything, and promise him that everything would be alright. That however, he could not promise; he couldn't predict the future. For now, he'd have to settle for hearing Luffy out, and then he could figure out how to help him heal.

 _Luffy hugged his brother for all he was worth, eyes wide with shock and disbelief. He felt warm blood gushing between his fingers. His brother's last words echoed, then faded. It was over so fast. One moment Ace was alive and kicking, fighting at Luffy's side,_ smiling,  _even. And before Luffy knew it, before he could prevent it, he was gone. He was just...gone. Luffy's strength gave out; he was unable to hold his brother's body up any longer. And then everything went dark. He was unconscious, but that didn't stop the pain. His mind floated, not remembering anything anymore, and then an unbearable, burning pain in his chest held him captive in the darkness, torturing him continuously. What was happening? Why did his chest hurt so much? He thought he heard someone shouting, and distantly felt...some type of mask being forced over his face. But a few moments later, all feeling but excruciating pain disappeared._

Sanji's eyes were intent on Luffy's face, willing the rubber boy's emotions to return, to break the ice around his heart. He was so intent on his captain, that he almost missed what he was saying. A heavy weight settled on his chest, making it hard to breathe. This was when the Surgeon of Death, Trafalgar Law, had shown up to help, wasn't it? This was when he'd saved Luffy's life. Sanji's gaze drifted down to the huge, x shaped scar on Luffy's chest, and he felt a ginormous amount of relief and gratitude toward Tra-guy. Luffy was strong; normal men would have been vaporized by a wound like that. But regardless, he still wouldn't have survived without the help of Law. Sanji- no, not just him, the whole crew -was indebted to him. His attitude toward Trafalgar immediately improved, elevated by a sense of respect. This man had helped bring Luffy back to his family. 

Sanji looked over at Zoro again, and saw that the first mate was thinking along the same lines. His hands were clenched tightly together, as if thanking some unseen god, as he studied his captain. No words could explain how he felt at that moment. 

God dammit, he should have been there! He should have been there to protect Luffy! If he had, Ace might have survived. He gritted his teeth, his thoughts turning to his 'teacher'. The first mate felt disgusted in himself. What kind of friend was he? While Luffy was dealing with his brother's death, having nightmares about the war and Impel Down, Zoro was training everyday with one of the people who'd  _helped_ cause that pain. For  _two years._ Zoro felt a twinge of guilt. He didn't deserve to be on this crew.

But...that was Luffy's choice, wasn't it? Did any of them really deserve to be with him? Franky was a gangster. Robin had killed people, working for the enemy. Usopp was a coward. Chopper also scared easily. Sanji was a hopeless love-cook, as well as a member of an awful family. Brook had died; he was a skeleton. Nami was a thief, as well as a slave for Arlong. Zoro was a pirate hunter. He'd also failed in his promise to protect his captain. So why were any of them part of the Straw Hat's then, really? Because of Luffy. He'd brought them all together; he didn't care about their pasts, or what their flaws were. He thought of them as his nakama, regardless what their mistakes were, or what they could or couldn't do. Luffy...he was so loyal, so determined. If he wanted them to be on his crew, whether they were deserving or not, then they were on his crew. It was as simple as that. Luffy had proven time and time again that he'd protect them, no matter what. And then, he wouldn't even be bothered if they weren't there to protect him. 

Both crew mates listened attentively as Luffy described what happened when he woke up.

_Luffy's eyes snapped open, and he let out an earth shattering scream. He tore the oxygen mask off of his face, and proceeded to frantically rip all the IV's and machine's away from his body. A loud BOOM shook the ship as he burst through the heavy metal door. He limped into the hallway beyond, heedless of the frightened crew, and stopped. His heart was racing, his body shaking uncontrollably, and he stared at the floor. It couldn't be! It was just a dream, right? RIGHT? Then the memories hit him, a physical blow to his heart and mind, and he snapped._

_Red took over his vision, and he lost control completely. Disbelief, fury, despair, loss, guilt, grief, disbelief, fury, despair, loss, guilt, grief, disbelieffurydespairlossguiltgrief. The only things he could feel. Vaguely, he was aware his body moving. He destroyed the ship's ceiling and burst free of the restricting prison. He was launched high into the air; then he started falling. When he landed, his body, still weak, crumpled to the ground. Luffy pushed himself, head and heart hurting, to his knees._

_" Ace. Ace. Ace." he rambled on, not caring if people witnessed his insanity. Ace Ace Ace Ace AceAceAceAce. " ACE!"_

_Where was he? Where was his brother?_

_He was gone._

_He ran into the jungle. A tree to his left splintered and buckled. A boulder to his right shattered. Mountains cracked, the jungle strained to stay upright. Then the ground itself suffered, as Luffy collapsed to his knees again and started punching it. He screamed, and screamed. Why wasn't he good enough? Why wasn't he strong enough to save Ace? He realized, now that Ace was gone, he had no more brothers. He. Was. Alone._

_He felt a presence behind him, and he turned briefly to see Jinbei._

_" Luffy," the fish-man began._

_" Go away," the rubber-boy snapped. " Leave me alone!" Jinbei held his ground, not flinching at the pain in Luffy's voice._

_" I cannot," he replied, firmly but gently. " Although I understand your pain, I will not allow you to hurt yourself any more." At those words, Luffy became aware of the pain. His body ached. He looked down, and silently registered the bandages covering most of his body. What would Chopper say? He shouldn't be moving, let alone destroying things._

_But that didn't matter. His brother was dead._

_" That's not your business," he growled. His mind suddenly went blank again, and his body moved of it's own accord. He stood, ignoring his injuries, and charged toward Jinbei._

_" You won't defeat me," Jinbei said, also growling. " Not in that condition." Luffy's fist went flying toward his face, but he snatched it out of the air and forced Luffy to the ground. Adrenaline coursing through his veins, Luffy stubbornly continued to resist, leaping up to bite his friend._

_" Luffy! Stop!" Jinbei tried and failed to pull away from the raven haired boy. " I've had enough of your nonsense!" He tore Luffy off him and pinned him to a bolder, his hand around Luffy's throat. The boy struggled, trying to get away, but Jinbei wouldn't let him escape._

_" Boy," Jinbei roared. " you don't see a thing. You're blind! Before, you never doubted your strength. But now? The confidence that once allowed you to soar above the clouds has been shattered." Luffy screamed, trying with all his might to be free of his friend-turned-attacker. Why couldn't he just go away? Jinbei kept going. " Your brother, who was your guiding light, has faded away." Tear's streamed down Luffy's face, hating those words. " And your enemy stands so tall, casting such a big shadow that you can't do anything but cower in darkness. Now you strike out like an animal at your own friends."_

_" Luffy!" the fish-man insisted. " Your pain may be great, but it mustn't devour you! Things will get better. Ace may be gone, but you still have something left in this world to live for!" Jinbei glared at Luffy, willing the boy to_ think.  _Willing him to understand._

_And he did._

_Luffy stared at Jinbei, as if seeing him for the first time. Horrified, his arms dropped to his sides, the resistance in his eyes going out. Had he been_ fighting  _Jinbei? One of his nakama? Seeing the fight in Luffy disappear, Jinbei cautiously released him, stepping back. The rubber boy slid to the ground, his eyes wide, shocked. Time stopped. Shaking, he looked down at his hands. A light flickered to life on his face as he stared at his fingers. Then, one by one, he started counting them._

_One, his brave swordsman and first mate, Zoro. He remembered the green haired man vividly, exercising with his massive weights. He was always grumpy, wasn't he? Especially if you interrupted his 'building muscle time'. A dark cloud in Luffy's mind dissipated, and hope filtered in through the cracks in the darkness._

_Two, his red-headed navigator, Nami. He recalled the way she'd boss him around, the urgent expression on her face as she warned them of a coming storm. She always did act like she was the captain instead of Luffy. More clouds disappeared, and the mugiwara's eyes began to over flow with tears._

_Three, the long nosed, sling shooting Usopp. Another cloud disappeared as he remembered how much he liked to fish, claiming he'd get a bigger fish every time he cast his fishing pole._

_Four, the fair haired, grumpy cook, Sanji. More tears burst forth as Luffy remembered how angry he'd get if someone interrupted his cooking. He hated whining and nagging, and he wasn't afraid to give someone a good beating to convey that._

_Five, the tiny, furry reindeer, Chopper. The small doctor was so caring, and Luffy remembered him promising: "It's ok. No matter how much you're hurt, you're in good hands."_

_Six, Nico Robin, the beautiful bookworm. She was so fascinated with treasure, and finding ancient artifacts, but she'd give all that up in an instant to protect the crew. She could be a little pessimistic at times, true, but she never hesitated to strive for good._

_Seven, the huge, burly cyborg, Franky. Luffy nearly laughed as he recalled Franky's silly poses, and his incredible talent for building things. He was invaluable to the crew; he'd even built their new ship, the_ Thousand Sunny. 

 _Eight, the living, practically insane skeleton named Brooke. People would be idiots to not want to hear Brooke play a song; his musical talent was unmatched by any one. It seems impossible that this sweet, silly skeleton could wield a sword like he did. When he wanted to be, he could be downright terrifying. Luffy was so_ glad  _he was apart of his crew._

_And with that, the dark, outer shell of his mind cracked, and fell away._

_These eight people. His crew. They were what he lived for. Ace may have died, but hope was not gone._

_" My crew! They're still out there waiting for me!" Luffy spoke, his body buzzing with pins and needles. He was wailing now, crying harder than he ever had before._ _" I have to make it back to the ship, no matter what!"_

_Let no one ever say he didn't have a purpose. Let no one ever say he didn't have a reason to live. He did. He had eight. And he knew that those eight reasons would help him through anything, including this._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! And remember, I do take requests.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, please comment. Tell me your thoughts, and let me know if there are any typos.


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